It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
