i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
