You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
