I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
