i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
