ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
