The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
