just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
