my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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