My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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