I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
