I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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