Where is the hickey?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
