i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I love you. Go after that dick
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
