Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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