God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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