he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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