Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
