Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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