Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
