I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Im part way to drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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