just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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