why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
