Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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