can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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