end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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