I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
