The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
