I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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