bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
