I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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