Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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