I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
kristin has been a bad kristin
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
