Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
