I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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