that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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