I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
