it was like fucking gandolphs beard
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
