so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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