im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
