new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
