To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
