i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
