She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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