My sheets look like a crime scene.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
