im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize