Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
