does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
