someone threw a dead crab at me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
