i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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