If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
