oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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