i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
