I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize