I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
