he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
