Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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