I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
