I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
