I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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