I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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