I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
