Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
