And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
