Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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