everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
