I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's rum buckets o'clock
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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