If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
