So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
