What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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