we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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