I will die if light touches me.
It's Friday. Sex?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
