How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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