On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
These tits shall not be calmed
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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