Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
