God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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