shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
