she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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