My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
