I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
