"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize