I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
