Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
