Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
