Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
