You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
