feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
