They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
