Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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